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Painting with my friend Paola

My friend Paola (Well, she’s kinda like my best friend! haha) came over to my house yesterday. We had to figure out how to keep our kids (her little girl, and my little man) busy, while we were gonna create a masterpiece! So we got this far… well Paola got this far. She has left it up to me to finish it.

I love to paint… and I sometimes just don’t know where to start… so I just turned on a Misty Edwards set from the webstream… I started listening to the set.. and I started hearing these words…

“You’ve been walkin in your calling, you’ve been set apart for me, my beloved… You are mine, you are mine, the sweetness of our love, it only grows, it only grows…and I want you to know- You’ve been set apart for me…Oh I want you to know, this is your destiny… So I say… Fall madly, fall widely, fall desperately in love… fall freely, trust completely in my heart, my heart for you!-Oh..fall madly, fall widely, fall desperately in love, fall freely, trust completely- you’ve been set apart for me… “-Word thorugh Laura Hackett… from the Lord… On Misty’s set Oct 4th…

And.. He says… do you know, how you caught my eye- in the secret place… where you chose to be mine?? Do you know how you’ve caught my eye?? In the Secret Place… where you chose to be mine… Do you know the way you move me? do you know the way you move me?? Do you know the way you move me?? do you know the way you move me???

Do you know- How you caught my eye… In the secret place… where you chose to die?? Do you know… how you’ve caught my eye?? In the secret place- where you chose to be Mine??
Do you know the way you move me, says the Lord?? Do you know the way you move me??
This set was amazing. Misty was really hitting at the heart… a person desperately wanting the Lord, but not knowing where to go or how to do it… Misty started singin this song.. “Leave every other lover and I press on…”  So I came out with this painting- (it doesn’t look anything like what Paola started with)


I’ve been so blessed by the Lord lately. He has been giving me revelation after revelation through many things of how He is working in my life. I have began to realize it more and more b/c I’ve been able to be FREE from a lot of the mindsets that this world has put on me. I’ve decided not to worry. I found a song by Misty Edwards called Unattached Vagabond… and in the song… she says: “Nothing matters, nothing really matter but getting to my Jesus. Nothing matters, nothing really matters- outside of the Lord.”

It’s funny b/c my husband tells me this all the time. He says that it if doesn’t have any eternal value, then don’t worry about it. So I’m guessing God has gotten me to this place of not worrying about everything, more like thinking about everything, and just letting Him take control of the situations at hand.

I’ve been reading my Jeanne Guyon book. I’m beginning to really admire this woman for her faith and her boldness. I’m asking the Lord to make me that way. 🙂  Hopefully one day I will be as bold, but for now- I’m just understanding where the Lord is taking me.

In the book called Song of Songs, there’s an insert from a book called Justifications that she has written. (I’ve got to get me that book too!!)

And it says: “With those who devote themselves to the interior life; not only do they suffer persecution at the hands of a godless world and from people of regular lives, but far more severely from such pious (devoutly religious- making a hypocritical display of virtue) and spiritual minded persons as are not interior. These latter do it as a matter of duty, not being able to recognize any other way as right but that in which they themselves are walking. But their most violent assaults come from pretended saints and false devotees, whose foul characters, wickedness and hypocrisies they detect as the are enlightened by the truth of God. This gives rise to an opposition b/w such persons and those who are truly spiritual, like that between the angels and demons.”

This paragraph led me to a lot of understanding to a lot of the things going on in my life. It’s hard for me to understand “religious.” I guess b/c I’ve been an interior person (seeking the Lord with their whole heart) all of my life. I guess I was protected from it for so long that I thought that everyone was interior who were Christians… but as I can see… they arent- and some are just as godless as the ones who are out in the world of non-believers. I just really hope and pray that this godless nation will somehow become and Godly nation. I want people to understand the way I understand Christianity to be- a true, devout, relationship with the Lord. B/c that’s all that matters… not religion, denomination… It’s just about getting to Jesus and being unattached to this world… As my dad says: “If you’re a friend of this world- you’re an enemy of God.”

Now that I’m understanding… it’s just getting better and easier to let things go. And to see that people are going to be people. We aren’t all perfect and we aren’t all the same in beliefs- but we can be Christian-like; more like Jesus-like. And LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!

As it says in Eph 6:12  For we do not “wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalites, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

Just remember to keep running the race no matter who comes against you- God will get you to where you need to be. “B/c nothing matters, nothing really matters outside of the Lord!” -Misty



“I would give anything- withholding nothing.  I will search for you like silver and gold; that I might taste the glory of knowing you Lord.  With all my heart, with all my soul, and with all my strength.” -Misty Edwards

I was listening to a Misty Edwards set the other night and today actually. I can never go wrong with listening to her. She has such a depth of God in her and she sings His heart all of the time!

But I came to the conclusion that I need more of God!

I’ve been at this place the past few days where I just say- “Hey Lord, I’m here.” Even if Micah (my son) is playing in the same room where I am or if He’s napping. I’m learning that I do need time just ME and GOD Alone… but then there are times where even God is moved if I just say hello when I’m going about my regular day.

God has been working on my heart some lately and He’s been helping me to overcome my impatience and my frustrations. And well, that’s what He’s for! Real LOVE! As it says in 1st Cor 13: 4-8… “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own; is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, Love never fails.”

It’s just a matter of time though, when we actually become a people who will do anything… with holding nothing to run after God (The TRUE Love).  I’ve been really drawn to God more in the past few weeks and it’s b/c I have a destiny and a purpose in Him that HE wants me to establish on this earth. I just have to get all of my heart, my soul and my strength into it.

Make sure though that if you’re in it… you’re in it. God is looking for a people who really get it. Who really understand what He has created them for. B/c there are so many people who just go to church on Sunday… and that’s it. We are living for another age. This age will last only so long before we get to eternity. So I want to live for Eternity… where we will worship the Lord 24/7… so why not here??



Based on the Song of Solomon…. Chp 1 vs 5 & 6…

“I am Dark but Lovely
O Daughters of Jerusalem,
Like the tents of Kedar,
Like the curtains of Solomon.
Do not look upon me, because I am dark,
Because the sun has tanned me.
My mother’s sons were angry with me;
They made me keeper of the Vineyards,
But my own Vineyards I have not kept.
For this is man’s all.” Songs. 1:5&6

I’ve always wondered about this verss in particular. I remember thinkin… “mother’s sons??” what is that all about. But I see now that it’s an allegory of mother nature.. and the sons of this earth… the crowd, the people oof this world.

Here’s an insert from the book I’m reading: Song of the Bride by Jeanne Guyon

“People urge you to resume your active life. They direct your attention to the outward rather than toward the destruction of your inwardly wayward passions. The “mother’s children” strive against you for awhile, and you are not able to resist them. You begin to attend to outward and external things. You do not “keep your own vineyard,” which is your inward spirit where God lives. This, however, is the only thing that you should keep, and the only vineyard you should tend. Slowly you become  inattentinve to the voive of God. You are even less faithful in guarding the inward lives of others. Like the experience of this maiden, you may find that others will be angry with you for turning to find your Lord. Others may see your inner life causing you to neglect outer things. Do not forget to seek your Lord within. You need not be concerned with correcting your external faults. The Bridegroom is well aware of your flaws and will heal them in His own wise way.” -The Song of the Bride by Jeanne Guyon pg 9

WOW! Can I saw WOW again!?? Seriously… I’ve been so caught up in the “mother’s sons” that I’ve forgotten to tend to my own vineyard… the “garden enclosed” as Misty Edwards would say. This verse is beginning to make sense to me in this allegorical way. I understand that when God shines His light on me… that all of my flaws come out! I’m dark!! yet He calls me Lovely. I get so caught up in my flaws and hoping that everyone won’t see that I’m this or that… and so I go my way, in the crowd to make sure people can see that I’m really cool. Then, as it so happens, after not tending my garden (vineyard) I become an angry, evil montser! I do! And it’s so bad. It really is. But you know what? That’s exactly how the enemy want us to be… Evil! He wants us to forget about God, go in every way possible to push God out of our life, just so that he can rule us and reign over us.

Lately, I’ve been making a habit to just read and love the Lord, and I’m finding I’m much more happier. I’m not as lonely and depressed as I thought I was. Even if I don’t have as many friends as I would like to, God is there showing me the way to go! I’ve learned a lot of things the hard way over the past 6 years, and I’m hoping that I’m finally passing the test. I want to choose God even if everything in this world comes against me, because in the end: ONLY GOD MATTERS! I turn and ask myself nowadays: “Is this an eternal issue?” and if it is… it matters, if it isn’t then shoot… I ain’t worrying about it. And if I worry about it… God makes sure He takes care of it!

God can only work in your life if you let Him into it. As in Psalm 42:4

“As I remember these things, I pour out my soul within me. For I used to go with the multitude: I went with them to the house of God, With the voice of joy and praise, with a multitude that kept a pilgrim feast.”

I remember the days of being the leader of it all… goin in with the crowd. I was in a church that was amazing. They kept it all alive. But in the end, they didn’t tend the “Vineyard” the way they needed to. I guess that when it all comes down to it, it was Love that got me out of that mess so that He could get me where I am today. So that I can tend my “vineyard” in my own way. I can go to Him by myself and not in the crowd. God has seriously delievered me from the sorrow of thinking about it all. As Jeanne Guyon said in the paragraph up top: “The Bridegroom is well aware of your flaws and will heal them in His own Wise way.”

So it’s time- yes time: To pursue God as violently as I can. No matter what the “mother’s sons” think. I’m going to tend my vineyard the way it needs tending. It’s not a game, not a competition, not something to take light heartily, it’s real!



I’ve been listening to this song ever since I’ve gotten it! It’s amazing! It’s the story of our lives here on Earth and that cost that our lives had for Jesus to take away the sins of the world. The word harlot is the right word to choose, b/c we choose other lovers before God (even I do), We all do! But God still loves us enough. He loves me! He loves you! God has chosen a bride, and He is jealous over her. He wants His bride all to himself, but the problem is: Will His bride choose Him?? Will you! Me: Most definitely! I want to be in the mast amazing wedding of my life and be a part of something greater than this world.

In the song she talks about a bride who has been blamed as the Harlot by the accusers and the accuser of the brethren (satan), and yes, they are right. But, God intervenes on her behalf and takes of the cup of her blood. It’s so unimaginable that someone would take on all the sins of the world… or is it? But do we choose Him? Everyday I wake up and I ask God to help me, whether it’s to Love Him more, Love people more, or even to Love myself more. God is waiting for the Wedding day! Waiting for the day that we will choose to Love and Honor Him in all His glory!

“oh, the blood, oh the blood… ” as Misty sings. The realization of what it took Jesus to do as He was beaten and held accountable. “He drank of the cup with my name on it” as she sings in utter shame… I mean, as I think of the sins that I have committed- I just awe! The dirtiness of guilt and shame just run through my brain. He didn’t do that! Jesus didn’t! I did! But He took the blame so that I could be with Him forever and ever, always in Eternity.

“For Worthy is the Lamb! Worthy is the Lamb of God…” We all get to sing! For He is worthy! He is definitely Worthy! He Loves me. He Loves me! Oh, How He loves me! Even in the midst of my sin and shame… He calls me “Beauty… Beauty Arise.” No one will really know the depth of this Love until they experience it for themselves… I have, and I long to go deeper in that Love! Everyday the deeper I go, the more shallow it becomes, I have to keep digging and digging to where my relationship with God can grow… God created us for His purpose. He wrote our Love story… He wrote the novel to my life: and that’s to be in Love with Him and growing in His vastness of His Beauty.

Who knows when that day will come, The Marriage of the Lamb? I just want to be ready! With my lampstand (life) full of oil (Jesus). I want to know that everyday when the accuser accuses me that I chose (or will choose) Jesus… and I will forever and ever. It doesn’t matter how many times I fall, God will always pick me back up and say… I Love you! And am I satisfied with His Love?? YES! I am!


Onething 2011…

This morning Stephen Venable and Wes Martin Spoke… and it was good that I could intertwine what they were saying and some of the things that I believe together in one! 🙂

1st Cor. 3: 9-13… it talks about how we live our life and what we build it upon… Gold, silver, wood, hay or stubble… not about the rich and their stuff and the poor… It’s about how we live according to what God has called us to live! For Gold… Being Holy and righteous, being stewards of everything: our time, money, words!… and it goes down from there… Hay… well it’s just being a regualr “Christian” in this world… not doing the things God has called him or her… and well… we all know that hay burns up really fast! Gold is refined in the fire! I want my life to be based on GOLD! I want God to come and say well done! and not shock me when I get to heaven about how I lived my life! I want him to shock me now! Tell me what He wants me to change! And let me live a life Holy unto him! For there is only ONE foundation to live our lofe upon! And that is Jesus! Our LORD! our Savior!

It’s not easy on your flesh to bless your enemies, It’s not easy on your flesh to give you time and money to people… but It’s rewarding when you do it! It’s rewarding when you obey God and do what He has called you to do!

For me! I’m looking for the opinion of ONE! Not the opinion of many! Godliness is this… Restraining your speech and being Godly with your time! In other words… Turn the other cheek when someone persecutes you… Give them time in prayer and bless them. God is raising up a Holy generation that doesn’t look like any other generations before them, and that’s good! We need radical Lovers of God! We need the witnesses to preach the ONE true gospel of Jesus Christ… “Christianity today” will give you 900 gospels of who Jesus is… that aren’t biblical. Acts 2:36- Both Lord and Christ!

Also… just to let you know! -I’m learning all of this! I’m not saying I’m perfect right yet… still working it out daily. I still have my fleshly moments of wanting to say something back or be rude… but God is working in me to bless those and forgive those who come against me and persectue me. We are living in an age where we can’t afford to be offended with God or anyone b/c it can ruin our relationship with God and hold back the blessings God has in store for us! Just take heed! Take heed what you say and do!

Remember: God is a judge! and He will avenge you! 🙂 Psalm 63… vs 4! God is saying: “For the day of vengeance is in my heart, and the year if my redeemed has come!

I can hear Shelley Hundley (speaker at Onething and a leader in the House of Prayer)  and myself acting a play out to God!! “Who will avenge me??” I would say…

And God (me talking for him) saying: “It is I who will avenge you!” hahaha!!



I was watching the Onething Conference tonight… Misty Edwards was leading worship… Dec. 28th 2011…  and she was singing one of my favorite songs of hers…

” I knew what I was getting into when I called you, I knew what I was getting into when I said your name…

I am not shocked by your failures or even by your sin… Only I can see the end of the beginning…”

(there’s more in b/w all that…)

“Just don’t give up, don’t give in, if you don’t quit, you’ll win, you’ll win!   Cause everything is in my hands, it’s gonna be alright, it’s gonna be ok…. ”

And then she just goes off singing about this! (She’s singing God’s heart! God is giving her the words to sing)

“I’m (God) not like your father- b/c even the best of them are broken brothers. For all men are broken and broken men break their children- who grow up to be broken men- But I’m (God) bigger than that! Come to me! I’m bigger than that!

Some of you have been so afraid to make the same mistakes.. etc…- but I have the power to rearrange everything and to break every chain!

(Misty says) We are all in this together and there is only ONE GOOD FATHER! and all He says… is Everything is in my hands, it’s gonna be alright, gonna be ok!

(God saying) For your babies are my babies and I will be your FATHER! I’m gonna turn it all around just wait and see. Gonna make everything beautiful just in time… it’s a matter of time!

I know that she was hearing the voice of the Lord! There are so many broken fathers in this world and broken children! God is saying that He can be your Father if you let him and He can restore all things! And He will take care of you!

My heart is for the children! The children of broken fathers and families! I want to see them restored! God is creating an atmosphere, to turn the hearts of the Father’s back to the Children. And the Children back to the Fathers!



It is necessary to forgive sins and to cleanse the unrighteousness caused by them. For gender reconciliation to happen we need to learn how to forgive not once but millions of times. We must do this not for a day or a season but for a lifetime. -Ed Silivoso-Women God’s Secret Weapon pg 127 par 4.

Forgiveness… God has really been bringing this up a lot lately in my life!! Guess it’s time I start forgiving and forgetting like He does!! But at the same time it’s sooo hard to really forgive people when they hurt you, especially ones that are the closest to your heart. I’ve come a long way with people. I used to be the person who would shove away every person that hurt me. I would go my own way, stay in my room, and not have a lot of friends. It wasn’t good for me either. I became suicidal at one point, thinking it would be the greater way out of this messed up world… but it wasn’t! God delivered me! He made me new and He helped me to forgive! And as soon as that happened… someone else did something to hurt me again… It’s a process. God always brings me through though! When God’s in your life, you better yet believe that the enemy (satan) will try his best to pull you away from God! And with some people, it works, with others, they realize the situation and defeat the enemy.

The most painful hurts are inflicted by people we cannot erase from our lives, such as relatives, associates, and (partners) spouses. Furthermore, no matter how old the hurt ; it’s as if it is repeated every day b/c of the constant replay mechanism built into our heart. -Ed Silivoso- Women: God’s Secret Weapon pg 133 par 1.

Lately there have been a lot of people in my life who have gotten offended at me or my husband over the stupidist reasons… well at least I think they are stupid! But at the same time, there is a root to the problem. There always is a root to offense! We have to get rid of those offenses and make things right, even with the ones that we love. I was writing a dear friend of mine telling her about some of my problems and she said to me:  I reeeaaaallly wish you didn’t carry any hurt feelings about anybody in your life…. But I understand it must be hard….. sometimes it doesn’t depend only on us….. right? But one thing that really helps me to love someone who I don’t like is to pray for the person and bless him/her. Jesus knew that there is such power in our words to change how we feel and that’s why HE told us to bless who talk bad about us, to pray for those who do us wrong….. when we do that, something shifts in our hearts and we start to have God’s feelings about that person instead of ours. Try it! You will see how this has such a power to free us and frustrate the plans of the enemy. -It’s sooooo true! We have to ask for the heart of God for the people in our lives that persecute us, that talk bad about us, who try and erase us from their lives… (And I’m also speaking to myself!). We need to get revelation of JESUS! Yes! And when we do! Things in our life will be sooo different!

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new” 2nd Cor 5:17 NKJV

What actually happens at the moment of conversion is that the grace of God enters our life and goes all the way back to the moment of conception, turning every old thing into a new one. This is possible b/c God makes all things work together for good. -Ed Silivoso- Women: God’s Secret Weapon pg 134 par 6

You see… God forgave us. He sent His only son down to earth to give us grace! He made a way for us to enter into His LOVE through His son! And God wants us to stay in that LOVE! He really does! God’s LOVE is the only true LOVE! And if we have that gift, then we actually have the gift to LOVE just as God does. I am working my way towards that gift, towards Jesus! I was saved at a very young age of 5, but I’m still learning how to walk out my salvation every day. It’s called grace!



The “rematch” is the end of time when the enemy is taken out of this world and thrown in the pit of hell where he belongs… it’s where Satan will be defeated for all time… but for this to happen… there has to be an army of the Lord to raise up and proclaim that God is coming back.

I call it a rematch because it will involve the original contenders: human beings and the devil himself. Just like their predecessor in the Garden, women will play a central role. Except this time, as God has predicted, Eve’s daughters will win. -Ed Silivoso- Women:God’s Secret Weapon pg. 74  par 4

Psalm 68 11-13: The Lord gave the Word; Great was the company of those who proclaimed it; “Kings and armies flee, they flee, And she who remains at home divides the spoil. Though you lie down among the sheepfolds, You will be like the wings of a dove covered with silver, And her feathers with yellow gold.”

Sheepfolds are sheepskins used to cover the floor inside a tent. They also double as seats and beds. Even if the came from a white sheep, after a period of use their color turns gray. If silver colored doves are placed on gray sheepfolds, the become inconspicious of lack of contrast. Even the gold rings on their pinions do not attract attention b/c the doves lie on them. What we have here is women camouflaged as doves lying low with a treasure hidden underneath. -Ed Silivoso- Women:God’s Secret Weapon pg 77 par. 4

B/c of man’s rule of women in the church, there aren’t a lot of women using the gifts that God has given them. Women are laying under the sheepfolds waiting to be released. All around the world women are hidden under so many attributes and expectations of what they should be and not what God has called them to be. But God is making a way for women, even if it’s one at a time, He is raising them among the sheepfolds and to “divide the spoil.”

Spoil means:
diminish or destroy the value or quality of…

So why would God use women to “spoil” or “rematch” the enemy?…

It is simple: the opening round of the fight involved the devil and a woman, not a man. Consequently, it is logical to conclude that the last round of the final face-off should also include women. -Ed Silivoso- Women:God’s Secret Weapon pg 81 par 2

For the final days… It is said in Joel 2:28-29

“And it shall come to pass afterward that I will pour out my spirit on all flesh; Your sons and daughters shall prophesy, Your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions. And also on My menservants and on My maidservants I wull pour out my spirit in those days.”

The issue is not if but when. To that affect there is a restoration process in motion that will reach its climax when women minister side by side with men (maidservants and bond (men) servants, sons and daughters) as predicted by Joel. This process calls for the restoration of men as a prerequisite for women to be restored b/c the Heavenly Commander in Chief wants to make sure that during culmination of the rematch men will not fail women the way that Adam failed Eve.  -Ed Silivoso- Women:God’s Secret Weapon pg 83 par 2

God has a plan for the end of the age that requires all men and women. Yes… Women! God is not going to forget women b/c she ate of the fruit of knowledge of good and evil; He is going to restore her. And God will make a way for women, Christian Women, to be who they’ve been called to be ever since he created Eve. His intentions for women were not what Man’s intentions have been. His intentions were for her to be alongside man and to rule and reign the earth with him. So when this rematch takes place, I know that I want to be there. I want to be among the many women that God has called to be His own. I want to be able to call out the enemy, Satan, on the wrong doings of his way and proclaim the the Victory to God! God created a world of Love, Peace and Untiy; not a world of hate, turmoil, and division!



“Every sin affects relationships on 2 levels: vertical, between people and God, and horizontal between 2 or more people. When Adam and Eve experienced sin, in addition to breaking fellowship with God, they also broke fellowship with each other. The perfect intimacy they once enjoyed was shattered. The same Adam who days before described Eve as “Bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” and coined the word “woman” to describe her, now disowned her and accused her before God of being the source of his spiritual misery.”  -Ed Silivoso, Women: God’s Secret Weapon- pg 45 par.2.

Through relationship, Sin reveals the worst of it all. God intended to have intimate relationship with Adam and Eve all the days of their lives… He was there to commune with them:  to walk with them, to have conversations about the world with them; but Adam and Eve chose to turn from God. And the choice cost them their lives. God gave them free will, because He loved them. He knew that day that the enemy would tempt Eve. He knew. But He let her choose, because He loved her so very much. If God had stopped Satan and Eve, there wouldn’t have been a choice and without choice, there wouldn’t have been love.

How does this affect us?? Men and Women now??

That moment when Adam (Gen 3:12) said, “That Woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate;” became the moment of disunity between the relationship between Man and Woman. Before that moment, there was nothing but true intimacy and friendship. When Adam stated “That woman” he stated that he couldn’t trust her anymore. He didn’t want anything to do with her. He basically kicked her to the curb!

And just think of what Eve thought when Adam said that… (I’m gonna put myself in her shoes): Humliliated, broken, hurt, frustrated, confused, unloved, not beautiful, unappreciated, disappointed, manipulator… And all this became the world. It became the world’s way of looking at a woman. And that’s why women have been so distraught and pushed away in this world; they lost their reason to exist as God called them to be.

Intense! really Intense… The GAP that Man forced upon oursleves is the gap that the enemy created to reveal- his hatred; but in all honesty… it’s what we’ve chosen for the past thousands of years! Why? Because we have sinned against God, ourselves and each other. Men and Women have to be reconciled with each other and God in order for the appropriate unity to be enforced in our society. The unity that was once made in relationship. The Pure Unity that hasn’t been tainted by the Sin of our hearts. Women need to be uplifted and encouraged and fought for instead of pushed back and punched at. Women of all the relationships in this world are the relationships worth having. God made it that way. Man needs woman and woman needs man. Relationship wise, it’s the only true way to defeat the enemy.

“When God took part of Adam to create Eve, he became totally male while she came to embody the female dimension of God. It is imperative for men and women to be reconciled in order to be able to fully express God’s image on earth.” -Ed Silivoso-Women:God’s Secret Weapon pg 46 par 2