JCox Creations · Voice...

Painting with my friend Paola

My friend Paola (Well, she’s kinda like my best friend! haha) came over to my house yesterday. We had to figure out how to keep our kids (her little girl, and my little man) busy, while we were gonna create a masterpiece! So we got this far… well Paola got this far. She has left it up to me to finish it.

I love to paint… and I sometimes just don’t know where to start… so I just turned on a Misty Edwards set from the webstream… I started listening to the set.. and I started hearing these words…

“You’ve been walkin in your calling, you’ve been set apart for me, my beloved… You are mine, you are mine, the sweetness of our love, it only grows, it only grows…and I want you to know- You’ve been set apart for me…Oh I want you to know, this is your destiny… So I say… Fall madly, fall widely, fall desperately in love… fall freely, trust completely in my heart, my heart for you!-Oh..fall madly, fall widely, fall desperately in love, fall freely, trust completely- you’ve been set apart for me… “-Word thorugh Laura Hackett… from the Lord… On Misty’s set Oct 4th…

And.. He says… do you know, how you caught my eye- in the secret place… where you chose to be mine?? Do you know how you’ve caught my eye?? In the Secret Place… where you chose to be mine… Do you know the way you move me? do you know the way you move me?? Do you know the way you move me?? do you know the way you move me???

Do you know- How you caught my eye… In the secret place… where you chose to die?? Do you know… how you’ve caught my eye?? In the secret place- where you chose to be Mine??
Do you know the way you move me, says the Lord?? Do you know the way you move me??
This set was amazing. Misty was really hitting at the heart… a person desperately wanting the Lord, but not knowing where to go or how to do it… Misty started singin this song.. “Leave every other lover and I press on…”  So I came out with this painting- (it doesn’t look anything like what Paola started with)
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Voice...

Madame Guyon

Madame Guyon…

My husband, being the informational seeking guy that he is… found this old Methodist Hymnal at the Arts Festival this past weekend. They hymnal was copyrighted in 1932, 1935 and 1939. It’s called The Methodist Hymnal.

He was flipping through the book during his lunch break at work yesterday and found a song by Jeanne Guyon (Madame Guyon)… it says “The Christian Life” as the Title… but it’s actually the category of that section. I don’t know if the hymnal is even named…

It reads:

vs 1.
“My Lord, how full of sweet content, I pass my years of banishment! Where-ever I dwell, I dwell with Thee, In heaven , in earth, or on the sea.”

vs 2.
“To me remains nor place nor time; My country is in every clime: I can be calm and free from care On any shore since God is there.”

vs 3.
“While place we seek, or place we shun the soul finds happiness in none: But with God to guide our way, ‘Tis equal joy, to go or stay.”

vs4.
“Could I be cast where Thou are not, That were indeed a dreadful lot: But regions none remote I call, Secure of finding God in all.”

-Madam Guyon

(I’ve fell in love with Madame Guyon over the past year. I was first introduced to her by Misty Edwards’ song Like a Caged Bird. I kinda feel like I relate to Madame Guyon in some way. Her passion and zeal for the Lord was amazing. She didn’t care where she was, she would always be with God. Her passion was to waste her life at the feet of Jesus.)

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GRACE-GRACE!

Sometimes I get lost. I get lost in my thoughts of how it should of been and how I could of changed everything in my life around with one thing I could of said. I get lost in the thoughts of tomorrow and not thinking about today and what it holds. I guess I can say that sometimes I just waste life away.

Yesterday I was at the House of Prayer. We were having our normal service and Rocky, our director/pastor said a few things that made me think about how I live my life. He said this quote:

“Those that are around you and are for you are far more significant that those around you who are against you.”

I literally felt something awaken in my spirit. I had been living this lie of- I’m not good enough.

So, here I am. I am working or gonna try to work towards my dream. I’m going to own my vision! It’s my vision and no one else’s. It may look like someone else’s but it’s not- It’s mine! My vision, what I want to do… and I’m gonna go for it!

Zechariah 4:6b and 7…

This is the Word of the Lord (to Zerubbabel)- “Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,” Says the Lord of Hosts. “Who are you, O’ great mountain? Before Zerubbabel you shall become plain! And he shall bring forth the captsone with shouts of “Grace, Grace to it!” ‘

In other words… there’s a huge mountain- and by the Spirit of the Lord… we can say GRACE! GRACE to that Mountain and it shall be moved!! – That gives me something to think about more that all my thoughts of what could have… it now gives me the strength to overcome my present day battles and future battles as well. 🙂

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Hard to Trust…

Today I was really focused on bills and bills and more bills… And I just got overwhelmed, cried a lot and then got frustrated.

As most of you know, I’m a stay-at-home mom. So, as I was changing my sons diaper, I began to cry again. (I’ve had a lot of medical issues lately and just had a colonoscopy done) My son (19 months old)  looks at me and says “Momma?” and I just hide my face… and then he comes over and says “Momma?” and he hands me a book to read to him… and so I looked at it… and it was his toddler Bible. (God has a great sense of humor) And so I just open it… and it said

“Go into that land,” God said. “I will give it to you.”

“We can’t,” said some men. “The people are too big.”

“We can,” said other men. “God will help us. He promised.”

And so I remembered back… and God gave me that verse when we moved back to Cartersville! And He also told me when we got pregnant that he will provide for us… needless to say…  I’m gonna trust! Even when it looks impossible! B/c, yes, it’s hard to Trust in the Lord. It is. Only b/c we as humans… we can’t imagine a God who is invisible make something appear in the natural. But somehow, somewhere, he always comes through! No matter how hard, and how frustrating the circumstance- He does.

My heart has been so overwhelmed lately- that I’ve forgotten how to sit and really listen to what the Lord is saying. And if He is saying “Trust”- then I have to trust. Even if I’ve heard it a million times… and it says it everywhere in the Bible… If you don’t walk it out, you won’t see the promise! Trust! and obey… God will do everything He can for His children who will let Him. It’s our choice… Do you Trust Him??

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LOVE

Lord give me grace to love so that my heart can be free again!! I want to be free! Free from bitterness and hatred! Free from tyranny. -Amen

Matthew 5:44 

“But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.”

Being a Christian is hard in many aspects- but the main hardship is loving people who are your enemies. I have been in such a place of turmoil lately of learning to Love. I am not that great at it. I can testify to only some instances to where I was truly Christian in loving people. But God is gripping my heart. He is letting me know of the forgiveness He has for me in letting the enemy lead me in hatred and loneliness. I can’t say that I’m perfect at Love or even close- but I can say that I’m learning. I can say that I will try my very best to let God lead me. B/c if he leads me- everything that I need and desire will be added to me.

Lately I’ve had to remove myself from many situations to see how my heart responds, and I’ve learned my problems. I’ve learned of my bitterness and my actions; and in this I’m making ammends with God, with people and learning the process of becoming more like Jesus. “Love is the liberty of our own soul.” -Mike Bickle.  If we can choose to love instead of be passive and forget, our lives will change tremendously… and so I want that. I want to learn to love and have my life changed. I want to be at a deep spiritual level with God. For in love- you go higher. In love… you begin to trust again. You begin to lean on God and let Him lead. And when God leads… everything is so much better, happier and amazing!

Falling in love is the most wonderful, existing power. It gives you a sense of living again. It makes you want to be better. Love keeps you passionate, keeps you nurtured. Love is what makes life better. Even though it suffers long and is steadfast… slow… the process is always refining and turns to Gold!

So with all that said… God make me one who is perfected in Love. -in Jesus name.

“B/c to love you is to know you and to know you is to walk with you- all the days of my life. I want to live in the sight of your love, your great love!” -Brandon J. Hampton

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Father

“Father,

I will not worry about tomorrow and all of its questions. I will just trust you- I will be waiting for treasures in Heaven.

For my heart is with you- for there my treasure lies.

My eyes are on you- for you are my delight.

Though I may not wear the garments of princes- you are my portion, you are my portion.

For you clothe me in your righteousness- you are my portion, you are my portion.

Though I may not sit at the table of kings- you are my portion, you are my portion.

For you feed me from the abundance of your hand- you are my portion, you are my portion.

You are my portion God- You are more than enough for me.”

-Song by Misty Edwards June 8th, 2012.

I have been reading a book called Fire Within by Thomas Dubay. And it’s about the Spanish Mystics from back when who came up with the concept that we could sit in the presence of the Lord and be taken away with the Lord… hmmm… Sounds familiar… just like the gospels!! While reading… I came upon the words sanjuanist and teresian… and looked them up and I found a writing from a random guy who came up with this conclusion:

“Americans are typically portrayed throughout the world as slaves of “inordinate attachments” to wealth and power, the virtual embodiment of everything in modern society that the John of the Cross world would have opposed. “-Stephen Payne

It’s crazy how much the world influences us… even Christians. I have found myself lately just trying to figure things out. It’s hard to come up with everything and anything that I can do- especially when it comes to my flesh trying to figure it out. But this weekend different people and different things have been teaching me to trust in the Lord. Friday night Mike Bickle taught on being faithful with the things of this age and we will have more in the age to come… and now I’m listening to Misty Edwards and she’s talking about hiding in the shelter of God. God is the only way in this world of “stuff” this world of “want and treasures.”

The church has been called in this season to trust the Lord. Esp in the economy we live in now and with the leadership of this country. If we can trust God the way He intends us to, He can turn our nation around. He can make all things good! And He will. B/c I know the end of the story! But it’s a matter of us as Christians – to stand up and ask the Lord for His treasures… whatever he wants to give us each day!

“Come Lord, sustain and refresh your church! Songs 2-5- Let us begin to trust you with our lives again. With the help of your hand… Lord make us a people who stand for Righteousness and justice. Give us the desires of our hearts and provide the things that we need. God I will not worry about tomorrow and all of its questions. For I will put my trust in you. You are the lifter of my head. Amen.”

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understanding

I’ve been so blessed by the Lord lately. He has been giving me revelation after revelation through many things of how He is working in my life. I have began to realize it more and more b/c I’ve been able to be FREE from a lot of the mindsets that this world has put on me. I’ve decided not to worry. I found a song by Misty Edwards called Unattached Vagabond… and in the song… she says: “Nothing matters, nothing really matter but getting to my Jesus. Nothing matters, nothing really matters- outside of the Lord.”

It’s funny b/c my husband tells me this all the time. He says that it if doesn’t have any eternal value, then don’t worry about it. So I’m guessing God has gotten me to this place of not worrying about everything, more like thinking about everything, and just letting Him take control of the situations at hand.

I’ve been reading my Jeanne Guyon book. I’m beginning to really admire this woman for her faith and her boldness. I’m asking the Lord to make me that way. 🙂  Hopefully one day I will be as bold, but for now- I’m just understanding where the Lord is taking me.

In the book called Song of Songs, there’s an insert from a book called Justifications that she has written. (I’ve got to get me that book too!!)

And it says: “With those who devote themselves to the interior life; not only do they suffer persecution at the hands of a godless world and from people of regular lives, but far more severely from such pious (devoutly religious- making a hypocritical display of virtue) and spiritual minded persons as are not interior. These latter do it as a matter of duty, not being able to recognize any other way as right but that in which they themselves are walking. But their most violent assaults come from pretended saints and false devotees, whose foul characters, wickedness and hypocrisies they detect as the are enlightened by the truth of God. This gives rise to an opposition b/w such persons and those who are truly spiritual, like that between the angels and demons.”

This paragraph led me to a lot of understanding to a lot of the things going on in my life. It’s hard for me to understand “religious.” I guess b/c I’ve been an interior person (seeking the Lord with their whole heart) all of my life. I guess I was protected from it for so long that I thought that everyone was interior who were Christians… but as I can see… they arent- and some are just as godless as the ones who are out in the world of non-believers. I just really hope and pray that this godless nation will somehow become and Godly nation. I want people to understand the way I understand Christianity to be- a true, devout, relationship with the Lord. B/c that’s all that matters… not religion, denomination… It’s just about getting to Jesus and being unattached to this world… As my dad says: “If you’re a friend of this world- you’re an enemy of God.”

Now that I’m understanding… it’s just getting better and easier to let things go. And to see that people are going to be people. We aren’t all perfect and we aren’t all the same in beliefs- but we can be Christian-like; more like Jesus-like. And LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!

As it says in Eph 6:12  For we do not “wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalites, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

Just remember to keep running the race no matter who comes against you- God will get you to where you need to be. “B/c nothing matters, nothing really matters outside of the Lord!” -Misty

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asleep…

Have you ever thought that sometimes when reading a book, that it’s actually prophecying your very life at the moment!? I do! I guess that’s b/c I don’t read that often and when I do… I rarely can continue… but something has made me grip onto this book by Jeanne Guyon. (I believe it’s God!)

I was reading some of it today… the Song of Songs Commentary by Jeanne Guyon. It is sooo good! I sometimes can’t put it down. And I actually write down and underline as much as I can! It’s absolutely amazing and so is the Song of Solomon. The Song of Solomon can also be an allegory to everyday life or more like an every year life kinda thing. (well I believe so) It’s so wierd how some of the things I’ve been reading- I feel as though it’s what I’m going through right now; more like, I can RELATE!!

So… Songs 2:7

7) I charge you, daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles, and by the does of the field, that you do not stir or awaken my Love until she pleases.

Jeanne goes on to write about vs 7: You sleep in a spiritual sleep in your Betrothed’s arms. How strange a thing that people, even spiritual people, are eager to awaken you from this gentle slumber. 

The daughters of Jerusalem are loving but meddlesome (fond of meddling; interfering) souls. They are anxious to wake you for apparently the most valid reasons. But you are soundly asleep that you cannot be awakened. The Bridegroom speaks for you, holding you in His arms and charging others not to awaken His dear one. He tells the impetuous (acting or done quickly and without thought or care) daughters that you are more pleasing to Him at rest than in most outward activity. “Do not wake her,” He says, “nor disturb her sleep. When I am ready to call her, she will be pleased to awaken and follow.”

Wow… I just can’t believe how much this goes with what I believe I am going through at the moment. I know that there are plenty of people wanting me to do things and be things that I can’t be right now… only b/c I’m asleep and resting in the arms of the Lord. I want Him to call me to the things that He has called me to and not just anyone. Only b/c when God calls me, I know that I will be ready. And that I will do as He says in humbleness and Love. I will be able to awaken my heart to many things that I’ve closed it down to.

Over the years I’ve had so many wounds from the meddlesome and impetuous daughters of Jerusalem. And I’m tired of dealing with them. Most people don’t know my past and all the horrible things that have been said to me, but I don’t want those things or those people to define who I am and continue to be a cycle in my life. I want to be asleep in the Lord and understand His Love and how I can Love with His Love. For only with His Love I can truly Love. I can’t expect people to fit into my hurtful world and change it. I’ve got to let God change my hurtful world and be the Bridegroom he is. My protector.

Earlier I was using these passages as a metaphor in my life. I was thinking about my husband and how amazing he truly is. He understands me sometimes more than I do! And he gives me more insight to myself than I ever thought that I could. He points out my many ways that no one else understands, and he still loves me for me. You can only know someone really if you know their heart. And well, my hubby knows my heart. He knows exactly how to take me and how to understand me. Maybe sometimes I need to use a filter with my words… but I believe that God made me the way I am… and honestly most of the time… what I say and the heart behind my words are 2 totally different things. I’m only good with words when I write… outspoken is a downfall of mine. But I’m learning… and my bridegroom, my husband is helping me every bit of the way. He’s holding me in his arms and whispering the things that I need to hear- the things that only a best friend can really know and say.

So… as I’m asleep. I hope that God gives me the guidance and courage to speak. The wisdom of solomon to know the difference b/w impetuous and caring people. I pray that God awakens me to be ready for all that He has called me to do. B/c I am willing to go the distance. I am willing to fit into the car (in dreams they mean ministry- my purple lavendar sports car!!)  of His choice for me!

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Winter…

During the whole winter, the trees appear dead; they are not so in reality, but, on the contrary, are submitting to a process which preserves and strengthens them. For what is the effect of winter? It contracts their exterior, so that the sap is not uselessly expended and abroad, and it concentrates their strength upon the root, so that new roots are pushed out and the onld ones strengthened and nourished and forced into the soil. -Note by Jeanne Guyon Song of Songs Commentary

I believe I will remember this the next time I feel like I’m going through a “winter” season in the Lord. (Hopefully it’s not soon 🙂 ) but this makes so much sense and makes me think of
Eph 3:16-19- “16 that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, 17 that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— 19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
AMAZING!

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Comparedtohorsemen

It seems that I’ve been in a war lately with so many people. It’s either that they don’t know me or how to take me or they have their own insecurities that they need to work out. It could possibly be both! I sometimes don’t understand why people think that I’m so difficult to understand or what? And all I can do is sit there and try to understand where they are coming from… I guess I just know myself.

But anyways… on that course… I was reading my book called the Song of Songs by Jeanne Guyon. It’s amazing. It’s like every chapter or little insert about every part of the Song of Songs just grasps me and pulls me in! It’s like it’s describing my life! Really it is! I can’t imagine a better book for me right now!

And so it says: From Song of Solomon Chp 1 vs. 8

“I have compared you, my love,to my company of horsemen in Pharoah’s chariots.”

How romantic…  not!! I can not see how this sentence could be more lame! Really… the love of my life is comparing me to a company of horsemen? What? It needs to be something like the most beautiful ocean or something… really! this? why?

And so Jeanne Guyon gives her interpretation: her allegory… and it goes like this:

The Bridegroom knows perfectly well that all the compliments He lavishes upon you, far from making you vain, only deepen your death to self. He praises you so that your Love may grow.

I read that… and was like- deep! that’s so deep! Really it is. But what does it have to do with a company of horsemen?

Then she says:

He desires a course so swift and sure for you that only you can be compared to a whole company of riders running toward Him at full speed. Yet while you are here on earth He has hidden you by causing you to look like the chariots of Pharoah. You who run so swiftly after Him often appear to be on an erratic course.  *erratic: not even or regular in pattern or movement; unpredictable or  deviating from the normal or conventional in behavior or opinions

Man, this woman’s revelation just astounds me! It’s exactly as it should be- to me of course. I was like.. If I look at it this way… I can see that the Lord notices my race. He notices my behavior and he understands my desire to run after Him and only Him. Who cares if someone thinks differently of me… or thinks that I’m not on the course that I should be. God says I am. He says that I’m in a race and he compares me to all those who are running hard after Him.

Jeanne goes on to say: “The truth is that you are running toward God, and your race shall end in God alone. Nothing shall stand in the way of your safe arrival. God will supply you with His strength and faithfulness.”

And that’s the truth! It’s the truth about my life… whether I’m a wife, a mom, I go to IHOP… The truth about my life… I’m running after God. With all that I am… I’m running towards Him and only Him. And if people can’t see that- I pray that they do. I pray that their eyes are opened to the call on my life. God knows my heart. He has been living in my heart all my life. Esp when I was 5 yrs old and I asked him to come live inside me and take away my sins… all through a construction paper heart and my sunday school teacher. I’ve been in this race for over 20 years. And I’m not gonna stop. B/c in the end… it’s gonna be worth it all! It’s gonna be worth all the condemnation… B/c I choose Jesus! I choose God. And He will supply me with strength and faithfulness. Everyday… He supplies me with what I need.

I’m tired of trying to prove myself, of trying to be friends with people who don’t care. I’m tired of thinking things would be better if it were different. I’m tired of all the lies and gossip. I’m tired of it all… I’m running the race of God. Not of this world. Even in my erratic behavior… It’s God who made me the way I am. He made me to be a leader, a forerunner. And I’m ready.